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- Your mom uses lard instead of Crisco to fry eggs.
- Your family owns a coffee grinder..and a nut grinder
- You have 17 consonants and 2 vowels in your last name
- Duck tape is your father's only tool next to using a kitchen
knife as a screwdriver .
- Baba chased you around the house with Kamilica to drink and
Vicks toshove up your nose when you had a cold.
- Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any Amerikanac
- You get a C in history, but can recite every Serbian king, in
order,from Czar Dusan
- Your dad never told you about the birds and the bees
- At your wedding you know only about a third of the people there.
- At your wedding you have a minimum of 350 guests.
- At your wedding the first song is always "danas majka zeni
- You have at least 3 slave to attend to on the same day.
- All slave have the same cuisine "supa, sarma, Pecenje".
- All weddings have the same cuisine "supa, sarma, Pecenje".
- All christenings have the cuisine "supa, sarma, Pecenje".
- A Serb girl tries to look 23 but she's actually 15.
- At least one of your friends name is "Dragan".
- You are somehow related to every 1 in 3 Serb girls/boys.
- You don't actually attend University, just hang out there and
- You can derive "Steve" from "Nenad".
- You can derive "David" from "Zeljko".
- You can derive "Mark" from "Mirko".
- Your father calls you a "dummy" for not knowing how
to do something he can't either.
- Even the fat Serb chicks put on the tightest skirt possible.
- Your father expects you to study or "hit da books"
every waking hour that he's home, and he expects nothing less
than an "A".
- A cold shiver runs down your spine when your mom threatens by
using the word "tata" in a sentence.
- Your Deda cuts the grass with knee high black socks and slippers.
- You work out six days a week, but somehow you dad whoops your
ass in like five seconds after he comes home from a thirteen hour
day from the bakery/factory/food business.
- You own a leather jacket.
- You have three pairs of black shoes.
- You drive a nicer car than your parents.
- There is a 120-gallon barrel of wine and Cabbage in your garage.
- There is more alcohol in your liquor cabinet than at the local
- You hear birds chirping and see the sun rise every time you
come home from the bar.
- Your mother still makes your bed.
- You are 18 years old but your parents still call you by your
- Every car your family owns has chrome wheels.
- Your Baba calls all cereal "Corn Flakes".
- You can hear your dad snoring from across the street.
- Your dad carries around enough money to buy a car.
- Your dad wears black socks to work everyday.
- Your Baba and Deda live in your basement.
- You wear a DKNY t-shirt when you work out.
- Your parents never go on vacations because they are afraid to
leave you home alone for a week.
- You have all brand new appliances in your kitchen but your mom
cooks in the basement with the stove from your old house.
- Your baba swears more than you do.
- Your dad claims not to be a racist but insists the whole world
should speak Serbian.
- You are prohibited from speaking English in you own home.
- Before school every morning your parents had to look after the
sheep, milk the cows, gather all hay, feed the animals etc..
- Both your parents had to walk to school barefoot in the snow,
5km uphill both ways. And over rocks.
- Your parents can't pronounce "Thursday".
- You argue that your mobile phone is better than anyone else's.
- Your mum makes her own bread and slices it with a BIG kitchen
knife to a thickness of 5cm per slice.
- You have the biggest sandwiches at school, always consisting
of "prsut Or salami".
- Your dad wears dress socks with tennis shoes.
- Each one of your friends has a distinct, annoying laugh.
- All the hot girls/guys are your cousins.
- Your dad starts to swear obsessively whenever he watches CNN.
- Your parents have gone on vacation ONCE and it was to Yugo.
- There's oil stains on your driveway.
- There's at least one relative that your family refuses to talk
- Being someone's KUM really has no meaning.
- Your dad thinks he knows everything about the world today.
- You had to break off a tree branch from your back yard, so your
dad could whoop your ass with it.
- When your walls are crowded with icons of saints
- Your last name ends with a CH
- You have black hair and brown eyes
- When you speak Serbian and not English on your "You know
when you're Serb" list
- When you are reading this list and you're cracking up
- Your mom uses lard instead of Crisco to fry eggs. ..... and
tells you it's good for you
- When you are hopelessly trying to bring the Serbian community
- When you make jokes based on your own tragedy
- Your church has a fully loaded bar
- One of your relatives is a construction worker / painter
- You are high maintenance
- The main menu for lunch is cabbage and beans.
- A loaf of bread is eaten for lunch.
- You don't want to have or do any business with Serbs.
- The minute Church services are finished you run to the bar in
the Church Hall and get plastered
- You only go out of town for Serbian Tournaments and Dances
- Your dad pronounced the silent b in Climb, plumber, comb etc…
- Your parents have a shot of rakija for breakfast
- You started to drink at the age of 12
- You don't talk to your Kumovi
- Your mom wears her bra as a bathing suit
- It takes over 8 years to finish college
- If you are female, you first name ends in "A"
- You have a Serbian cross, flag, or icon, hanging from your rear
- Your uncle makes his own wine that is stronger than rakija
- You think everything is a conspiracy
- Your dad thinks that the phone is bugged
- If you are a girl and not married by the age of 20 you are an
- There is a baba hotline 1-800-CALL-BABA
- Your mother insists that "promaja" will kill you
- Your mother insists that you must eat something with "kasika"
at least several times a week
- You base your whole life on the fortune in your coffee cup
- You eat canned peppers and ajvar with every meal
- You have a Kosovka Devojka goblen hanging on your wall
- You live with your mom and dad until you are married
- You have a pair of wool slippers that your baba knit
- Your mom tells you not to sit on concrete or your ovaries are
going to freeze
- On your birthday, your parents make you take a picture cutting
the cake with a huge knife.
- Your dad washes the garage floor with the hose wearing cheap
criss-cross brown flip-flops.
- There's a slab of fat in your fridge called "slanina"
- Rakija is used to cure all illnesses, celebrate all occasions
and as a massage lotion
- When you celebrate Christmas and Easter and New Year two weeks
after everyone else
- At your birthdays everyone is singing "Happy brzday tu
- You wear as much gold as your girlfriend/mother/sister
- When the head of a pig with an apple in its mouth is looked
upon as a delicacy
- As a kid you are paid to steal the bride's shoe at a wedding
- When your baba will not accept the fact that you're not hungry
- You teach all your American friends Serbian cuss words
- When your friends can't believe you got drunk at a church function
- When all your Serbian friends dad's kick your ass.
- When all your Serbian friend's dads offer you slivo at age 16.
- Your Tata complains da ga ledga BOLE!!!
- When you had/have a pet named Mishko.
- Your parents pronounce three, thirteen and thirty three as tri,
tirteen, and tirty tree.
- You get the mumps and your baba ties slabs of bacon (slanina)
around your ears to cure the mumps.
- You have a vegetable garden in your backyard consisting of a
variety of peppers, onions and tomatoes.
- You have a freezer that is loaded with meat products, especially
- You have a cold cellar that includes a variety of meat/deli
products,pickled goods, and wine.
- When your parents constantly say you'll end up a nobody if you
don't graduate from University
- When you have to reassure your Mother that her cooking is the
- When your Mom proclaims that she doesn't gossip about other
Serbs but full well knows that she does
- When you're an adult and still recieve Easter chocolate
- When you had to go perform as an altar boy
- You go to a restaurant and you bring your own drinks
- Whenever you went by Baba's house, she offered you supa, sarma,
pecenje or kolace and got mad if you didn't eat EVERYTHING.
- You are at a zabava and guy's try to pick you up with "Hey
baby, what's your slava??"
- In your house, the walls are neon green or yellow and your carpet
- You can think of nothing you would rather do an a Saturday night
than go to a dance
- Your American friends will never understand why you spend so
much time at church events and you are the farthest thing from
holy that there is
- You live for the annual Folkfest and/or Soccer Tournament
- Whenever you kiss somebody, you kiss them 3 times.
- When your grandma says that farting is healthy.
- You have 4 pairs of opanke in your attic, basement, closet...
- When you are told that you'll grow a tail if you drink coffee
at a young age
- You are freaked out by 'Babaroga'
- You took a bath in a lavor when you were a kid.
- Your tata pronounces "oops" as "ups."
- All the older Serbs around you are always worried about drafts.
- You hear the word "BATINE" and you cringe or go into
- Your tata has a smoke house and smokes all the slanina/prsut/pecenje
for the surrounding serb colony
- You have opanke hanging from your rear view mirror
- The first conversation you had as a baby used the words "jebi
- You cant imagine hearing a song without the obligatory "harmonikas
- You use Shljivovitca down the carburetor to start your 69 Dodge
Charger on a cold winter morning
- You know you are a Serb when you live in Detroit and are proud
- You know you are a Serb when you can hear your parents talking,
and you are across the street.
- All other action stops when you hear the music : "Boze
Pravde", "Kad sam bio mali", or "Marsirala"
- When you're a girl, and you dye your hair no other colour than
- "Your Baba says everything you do is bad and what you need
is a nice Serbian girl to take care of you!"
- "You're the first of your friends to get hair on his back,
and grey hair to follow"
- "Everyone is sure that you're Italian or Greek"
- "Your Baba wastes absolutley no food and even sticks flour
in the freezer to keep fresh"
- "Your Baba lectures you everyday of your life because her
own children know better than to listen to her"
- "No one has ever pronounced your last name right, and every
kid on the block has a nickname for it"
- You know you're Serbian when you don't work and you go shell
out $300 easy on the weekend
- You know you're Serbian, when you are a fan of whatever basketball
team Vlade Divac is on
- You know you're Serbian when your mom has a whole pharmacy in
the medicine cabinet.
- When your mum cuts your hair with a "serpa"
- When your mum calls you "stoka"
- When you can always smell garlic on your parents breath and
they insist it kills all the bacteria.
- You know you are a Serb when you go to the annual picnic on
the 4th of July and it's a big car show where your fellow Serbs
show off their cars....
- Your parents still prefer to buy cassettes instead of CDs.
- When your Baba made you drink warm water when you had a cold,
because cold water would make you feel sicker
- When your mom tells you not to drink cold water after you have
- When no matter what age you are or how much smarter than your
parents you are, they will never listen to what you say 'cause
you're still their little " beba "
- When your baba tells you that your deda is perfect but
don't ask him anything.
- When your parents know everything you did at the basketball
tournament before you get home
- When the baba grapevine travels faster than the national emergency
- A Serbian baby shower is as big as most American weddings!
- When your friends can't understand why your summer vacation
consists of playing golf in a town called Farrell or Aliquippa.
- You know you're a Serb when your neighbors never see you during
Memorial Day Weekend because you're traveling with 'that choir'.
- You have not seen baba's hair since deda died.
- When your mother yells at you for taking a shower each and every
morning with her sarcasm "Did you plow the fields today?"
- When all guys balk at the idea of meeting you family, especially
the male relatives
- When no matter how old you are, your parents say you are never
- When you are 6'5" 250# and your parents think you are too
- You know at least 20 Tool and Die Makers or Machinists or you
are one yourself.
- Your Dad tells you "kad sam ja bio u tvoje godine...."
- You go to church 2 times a year... Bozic and Uskrs
- When you say you're hungry, and then go buy pack of smokes
- When your baba chases you down the street with her cipela...
- When your baba rather walk five miles to the grocery store instead
of getting a ride.
- When you have a chicken running around in your back yard...
- When your tata is talking to you and every other word he calls
you is budala...
- When your mama gives you vodka when your teething...
- When your tata whips you before your relatives come over for
- When you hang your clothes in the backyard on a clothes line
even though you have a dryer...
- When you are a eating at the kitchen table with your family
and you get in trouble for talking.
- You have a shot of rakija followed by a crna kafa and a pack
of Malboro's for breakfast.
- You sport the latest Nike and Adidas outfits but have never
exercised in your life
- You always have the latest mobile phone on the market
- You can spend 3hrs in a Cafe drinking the same one coffee
- Calling someone for a chat at 1am on a weeknight is the norm
- When your parents call relatives in Yugo they shout to be heard
- Your parents work day and night to build the ultimate brick
and concrete mansion so their sin and snaja can live with them
in eternal happiness
- When everytime your family needs to buy a household item, your
father asks the salesperson "how much for cash" and
continues to bargain down for at least half an hour
- Your parents believe that being left handed is the sign of the
- When as a young boy/girl you have your head shaved to promote
a thick head of healthy hair
- As soon as you tell a neighbour you're Serb they ask you for
- When your front yard is all concrete ... and your dad then paints
- When at least 3 of your cousins are Cro
- When you believe the most famous people in the world are Serbs
who changed their name
- When you're married with kids and your mother still insists
on cooking and cleaning for you
- When on your birthday everyone pulls your ears
- When your baba chases you around the house with a varjaca
your parents call you "sine" no matter if your a boy
or a girl.
- When your parents only want to invite your Serbian friends in
- When your parents only let you go to your Serbian friends' house.
Your mom gloats about how good Serbian food is but cooks Turkish
coffee for all her friends
there's no such thing as Santa Claus but believing St Nicholas
will come to your house
you work part time and drive a BMW
cassette or Video of Lepa Brena is in your Video case or radio
your tata tells you a narodna poslovica for everything single
wrong thing you do and you think that he made them all up just
to prove a point.
parents always complain about how the "matematika" you're doing
in school is too easy for kids your age.
your baba and deda believe that you got sick because your parents
didn't feed you properly
you are watching your favorite basketball team and someone scores
a three pointer you interpret the referee's three fingers in the
air as support for Serbia
you open gifts not to tear the wrapping so your baba can reuse
the paper and bows
there are more fights at a wedding than a championship match
When you write on your history exam that Nikola Tesla is the father
of electricity not Thomas Edison and you teacher fails you.
you make a pilgrimage to Chicago
your parents tell you that the laws pertain only to North Amaericans
and not them
When you call your next door neighbor "kone"
get scared when your dad sneezes
you insist on talking Serbian even when you're with your American
you date someone from church
all your Serb guy friends insist they're Cetnici
your dad likes to sit home and play the harmonika
you go on vacation and your dad spends all his time playing tablic
at the hotel
the spaghetti and macaroni and cheese your mom makes tastes like
lamb from the lamb grease she saved to put in everything
tipping rule of thumb is: no need to tip if you will never eat
at that restaurant again
no one enters your house through the front door. .. everyone is
to enter through the garage
your cat is named matcak and your dog is named kutcak
your parents will only go to the doctor if they are passed out
on the floor or have severed a limb
to ensure that you will never marry a non-serb, whenever you are
in the car with your parents, your parents play Serb music and
sing along really loud when the windows are rolled down in the
your real first name isn't Serbian, you have two first names --
one is definitely Serbian.
the first thing you do when you walk into a friends house, is
take off your shoes, kiss their mom, and shake their dad's hand
your friends' parents talk to you like they're YOUR PARENTS too.
you beg a friend going back to Yugo to get you some kajmak
you beg a friend going back to Yugo to get you some Serbian cigarettes
you bang the table and break glasses while singing when you're
your father threatens you with a papuca
your father says "samo ako te zgrabim ja"
a cold glass of water will get you sick
beans are served and your dad tells you that you should call it
know you are Serb when your boyfriend / husband says to you "cut
you step on poop and your mom tells you that it's a sign of luck
know you're a Serb when this list keeps growing and it's getting
hard to edit it!
extra refrigerator is the back porch...
can't even think about beginning the kolach until 1:00 in the
morning, since it's bad luck to make it any earlier than the morning
of slava.It's 2:10 AM when you realize the oven, which deda just
"repaired", won't light...
first real kiss was during the Kissing Kolo.
know you're a serb when you are 25, live on you own, and still
sneak up the stairs when you get home at six in the morning.
cut up some onions and garlic and then decide what you will make
think the expression "Don't laugh so much, you will cry"
word "Sramota!" will deter you from anything
one of your relatives from the old country that immigrates to
the the US is an engineer
on the grill are better than steak any day
Middle Easterners are "Turci"
parents order "Pepsi , no ice"
grown uncle gets a "batine" from your baba and you don't
think twice about it
majka is fond of saying "Tanks God"
flavored boiled pigs feet spread is yummy
has a 25 year club hat and license plate frame from his steel
mill job and lost three fingers achieving that milestone
a bust of Cica Draza in your house and a hand made afghan on your
can hear Ceca pumping in your car, with the subs cranked to the
max, two blocks away
understand what "made in the garage" really means
week after Slava, Bozic, and Easter you are still eating sarma
returning from Jugo, everyone at the airport is staring at you
becuase your suitcase smells of rakija
a few years of working there is a pattern on your leave of absence,
you are sick every year on the 7th, 14th, and 20th of January
can dance a kolo to anything, including Serbian rock
read this list to your mama and tata and all they have to say
in their defense is "IC NAT TRU!!!"
work on a construction, but when you come to YU for vacation you
tell everyone how successfull "biznismen" you are.
feel nostalgic for drinking and vomiting in front of the liquor
you eat any kind of meat for lunch and your baba says that the
greasiest part is the sweetest.
listen to gusle and you actually LIKE it
your mom can bake a cake without sugar, chocolate, flour and oil,
and she calls it " the embargo cake "
you're sitting in your room and listening to "narodnjake"
your mama and baba have to wear 18 lbs. of gold around their necks
at the zabavas "zato sto narod moze da vidi koliko smo mi
always buy a Mercedes Benz when you decide to move back to YU.
you've been called djubre at least once in your life
parents buy peppers by the bushels
have a gold chain with a 'pravoslavni krst' on it
you sit too close to the T.V., you'll get cancer.
father didn't wear under arm deodorant because it could cause
parents insist that piling blankets on your body is the way to
cure your 102 degree fever
in the family gathering every generation has its own war and is
boming to talk about
and be proud for surviving it.
- When you
think green onions from your deda's garden and a plate of salt
is an appetizer
- When your
mom does your laundry and makes your bed
- Your house
smells like luk or krompir and you get pissed because it gets
on your clothes
- When you
started going to the clubs at 14
- You tell
your friends to rebel when their parents tell them to be home
- When you
say bitch instead of beach or beach instead of bitch
- When your
american friends come to your party and beg for you to play something
- When you
try to spell and it comes out the way you speak it
- You've either
thrown a hotel party or have gotten thrown out of one
- You know
you are a Serb when you're mom is running after you to put on
- You know
you're a Serb when you refer to John Travolta as "Jontra"
- You talk
to everyone at a distance of 6 inches
- When a lamb/pig
was roasted on a backyard pit for your graduation party to the
horror of your friends
know you're a Serb when you sing "DJURDJEVDAN" at all
you are never certain whether to stay abroad or return to Serbia
dad tells you "dis is the turd time I am telling you dis"
and you are afraid to laugh.
Truisms such as "you don't have to look for a fool with a
lantern" and "until you are age 21 you don't have no
more brains than a chicken" are meaningful to you.
All your male relatives in the Old Country have a three day growth
of beard, smell of onions and B.O., and leave saliva on your cheeks
when they kiss you.
Reunions are not complete without dissension and the airing of
You bring gifts when you come and take gifts when you leave.
You are adored the first 10 years of your life, then treated like
a complete idiot until you get married.
have no idea why the other girls in second grade are so upset
when you tell them you eat lamb
When you were a kid you made enough money for any electronic toy
you wanted every time you saw your older relatives
You have a doily covering your DVD, VCR, printer, scanner
make sure to bring pictures of your new car/apartment/house with
you to YU and show them to your jealous relatives & friends
but make it look unintentional
you know what "merak" is and spread your arms every
single time you hear "Nema raje bez rodnoga kraja"
you roll pancakes and eat them as a dessert after dinner
your tata never misses to "oglodati oko kosti"
you think there is no better thing in the world but to dip bread
in the lard dripping from a roasted pig
your pride is more important than your own happiness
you do not announce yourself before visiting a friend and are
happy to see him/her at your door in the same manner
you say your last name first and prefer last names that ends in
know you're a Serb when your dad thinks everyone from China has
a black belt
know you're Serbian when all you have to do is sniffle and your
parents (almost gladly) say, "Uh- huh" and start yelling
at you for getting sick
are poor in the United States, but when you go back to Yugo everyone
thinks you are rich.
there is a knock on the front door and your father asks: Who is?"
you have run away from Serbia and you’re still saying :It’s the
best place to live!
you’re BABA is criticizing you every time you say the word "picture"!
you’re BABA doesn’t want to eat Pizza because it has an AWFUL
you make sure that every non-Serb KNOWS that while at the English
court they were eating with hands King LAZAR was using a golden
you say that the family is to be loved only in the photos
the hospitality is consisting in making the guest eat till he
your tata is ironing, cooking cleaning and cooking, but when the
doorbell rings, you must not open till he doesn’t put himself
on the sofa with a cigarette and a turska kafa
you meet someone special and the first question you ask is "imas
working 9-5 is like working under fascism the first question you
ask at a job interview is "how much vacation time do I have"
people still think you are from Siberia no matter how many times
you tell them Serbia
you watch a movie and wait to the end to see if there are any
jugovic in the credits
think this list is way too long but have already read to the bottom
because it's so funny
your parents' friends have no shame to tell you that you gained
move next door to a family member to be closer but then end up
not talking for something stupid someone said when they were drunk
mother serves you tea only when you are sick
Baba tells you to eat ice cream only in summertime
don't understand the language of your church prayers
tunes of your popular folk songs sound oriental
favorite phrase is "Nema problema"
get phone calls from your relatives in Yugo at 3AM
letter you receive from Yugo ends with "Posalji malo para"
parents tell you that sleeping in a cold bedroom is good for your
told to speak Serbian to be understood by the whole world
you're going away for the weekend with your girlfriend/boyfriend
and your mama and baba tell you to buy some nice pyjamas and underwear
the first 16 years of your life you think your name is J.... Ti
matter what the price is your Dad will still say 'kol'ko?,..,
ooh, bogati, pa skupo' and 'Nasta trosis pare'.
you put a pound of butter and a pound of cream cheese on your
bagel, then fold it in half.
you have pictures of saints in your bathroom
exept for your father serves the guests on "Slava"
your Dad insists that he must be called Tata and not Dad because
to him Dad means Deda
parents insists on you dancing the kolo from an early age and
can't leave it till they had enough taking you to lessons and
that is usually around 16 years of age.
you were taught to love not just your immediate family but up
to your 10th cousin or more and NOT to marry them
you call the youngest child in your family Bato and don't use
their real name
know you are born in Australia, America, UK etc but the first
words out of your mouth is Serbian and not English
everyone in Yugoslavia asks you "pa de ti se vise svidja? tamo
get mad when somebody says that you speak Yugoslavian
your deda drives a Yugo
easter eggs are coloured brown
relatives immigrate from Yugo, they live at your house for 6 months
your date comes to pick you up and your dad sits on the couch
cleaning his hunting gun
14 and some 50 year old guy is trying to pick up on you at the
mama tells you never to cut out the "srce" of a watermelon,
but the whole slice or "tata ce da vice kada dodje kuci!"
you pack to go for serbia and out of the 4 suitcases you are carrying,
only one of them is actually yours
3 different strangers are waiting for you at the airport to collect
their gifts that you are carrying with you
you tell people you are Serbian, they always ask... "So ...
What is it like there now?"
live in the adult world but when you go home, you feel like your
9 years old all over again
you can actually pronounce the "g" in jagnje
your Tata always says "Dodji Tati"
your Deda always says "Dodji Dedi"
your mother in law puts garlic under the cradle of your baby to
save him from "uroka"
your baba complains about the mess but does not intend on doing
anything about it
your mama tells you that the sweetest things on earth are luk
and kiseli kupus
your dad yells at little Serbian kids for speaking English
dad calls your friend Sarah > sera, and your friend Jose >
your dad tells you not to drink so much, but he drinks non stop
you're at a soccer game and your tata is yelling "j**** ja"
at the whole team and all the "amerikanci" know it can't
be a good thing
parents tell you that "gurlz" love guys that can dance
a good kolo
your not married by the age of 20 your family wants to send you
back home to find “a nice boy”
your family suggests that u go to Yugo to marry your cousin so
u can bring them over to Canada
people are friends with your dad because he's name is Dragan.
And they think it's Dragon
have more than 200 serbian movies, but you have never watched
have a good husband if he works and doesn't beat you
your christening a silver dollar on your navel will protect you
from evil and make you rich
says "palachinki" and everyone heads for the table
she is mad your mama tells you that she will send you back to
where you came from
your tata does a running commentary through a movie and he thinks
he knows everything that's going to happen even though he has
never seen the movie
you are in a circle of fellow Serbs having a conversation and
anything round dropped into the middle of the group becomes a
soccer ball subject to juggling
you actually know what it means when Peja Stojakovic holds up
you put ground potatoes in your socks to cure a fever
is always "pita" on the kitchen counter and multiple
pita dough bundles in your freezer at all times
cooking Pita, you eat it for dinner, breakfast, lunch and dinner
parents don't expect you to make good grades, as long as they
are better than everybody else's
tata yells at you "budala, neznas nista!" when you tell
him that the crowd isn't yelling "DIVAC", they are actually
yelling "Defense" during the Sacramento Kings game regardless
if they are home or away
an animal's brain in the fridge doesn't freak you out
mom or baba only use two settings on the stove: MAX or OFF
you call Santa "Deda Mraze"
you mom or grandma tells you to pee before you go outside
the only family u have here is your mom dad and siblings
use the words brat i sestra for your brother and sister and for
know when you are a Serb when you are born on a Serbian Saint
Day and named after that saint.. eg Nicola, Lazer, Savo etc..
meeting another Serb, one of your first questions is, "What
church do You go to?"
at your wedding reception as you enter the hall, they play "Marsh
convinced all your friends that Bon Jovi's name is actually Bojan
coverted the garage into a kitchen just to feed all the family
and guest that showed
your tata chases the pigeons off the balcony with a mop, then
sits down and says "dayll be back"
tata allways "AMMA YOY"
everyone always turns over their cup after drinking tursku kafu
even though they know there is no one to tell them their fortune.
your tata is looking at an old photo album and sees himself young
and says "jao sto sam bio frajer" and ur mom tells him
"molim te nemoj da s...š!"
your pit bull's name is Pedja
can make a public announcement by telling just one Serb friend
something in confidence.
a child, the babas at your church caused you permanent brain damage
from asphyxiation by pressing your face into their ample boobs
while shouting, "o joj, zlato!" over and over again
have an ashtray in your shower
parents spend hours talking about the best djubre for the vegetables
deda tells you that his family were the wealthiest in the village
because they owned two cows and a donkey
you go on holiday, you take the same suitcase that your dad had
with him when he arrived in the country over 30 years ago
are named after your ujko, stric, tata or deda
mother keeps buying and sending you clothes long after you have
grown up and left home
one believes you are a Serb if you come from Texas, Alabama, Georgia
or Mississippi and have a drawl, even if your last name is Manojlovich
are the only race that suffers from PROMAJA
TATA goes to any professional and says STA ON ZNA, NEMA POJMA
know you're a Serb when your parents yell "kakva je ta skola"
when you cannot complete their tax returns while you're in the
tell your friends that you love sipak (rosehip) jam and they have
no idea what it is
- When you've heard "kuku meni" way too many times in your life ..
- When your tata, ujko, stric, tetak, or deda cross their legs like a woman
- When you're about 4 years old and you have to show your "cuna" to some old Serb who gives you one dollar and is pleased to see that you are becoming a man.
- If u hate wearing opanke but u still have to for folklore
- If your American friends cant understand why you spend every summer vacation in Yugo
- If u use "bre" or "j___ g_" in your dialog
- If your parents think that Yugos are the best, and the whole world is just stupid
- If your parents can't pronounce "turtle"
- The only place your Djedo and Baba shop is Sears.
- You believe drinking the juice from the kupus barrel is as good as a flu shot.
- Your church fries fish on Fridays
- Your Baba always gestures with a large kitchen knife
- Your Baba can only cook in quantities of 20.
- There are enough canned goods in your Baba and Djedos cellar to stay underground through the next millennium
- A healthy Serbian breakfast is fried eggs, slanina, pogacha and a shot of slivo or rakja. Your deda has been eating this for years and has the lowest cholesterol count in the family.
- When your mom makes you put on a sweater in the house because SHE's cold.
- When you know the biggest killer of Serbs isn't heart disease or cancer, but PROMAJA.
- When your neighbors think your garage is on fire, but it's just your Dad smoking meat.
- When your entire garage smells like an outhouse from the 55 gallon barrel of Kupus.
- When your Dad tries to make you dring "Rasola" (kupus juice), and tries desparately to convince you how good it is!
- When everytime you ask your Dad where he's going, he says; "U g____u. Oces li i ti?"
- When people are readig this list and they are serious in analyzing each line, contemplating its truth in depth and giving it a historical perspective
- When you have a stomach ache and your mom says "Skupi se"
- Your baba, deda, tata, mama wash off every inch of concrete around your whole house at least once a week.
- When you have a wrestling match against your dad your deda laughs.
- Your baba and deda are born in Croatia
- When every wedding you go to the kolo is always cacak
- There is no wedding without a kolo
- When people at weddings shout like mad people
- When a pop has a beard
- When everyone likes kolo's.
- Not only do you eat bread with every meal, but then you use the left-over bread to wipe your plate clean.
- You dance folklor... or if you're a guy your mom makes you
- Your day suddenly lights up when you meet another Serb
- You tell Americans where you are from and you end up explaining the entire history of Yugoslavia
- Tata and brat drive 75 mph with one finger on the wheel and no seat belt while smoking and telling a story
- Mama knocks on wood when saying "Hvala Bogu"
- Salata is eaten with the meal, not before
- Your relatives are constantly trying to hook you up with some Balkan person they know
- Deda drinks rakija to "clear his throat" in the morning
- When your dad makes rakija from grapes from your backyard
- When your real name is Nick/ Nikola, serbs call you Nidjo
- When your dad has a ton of yarn socks from Serbia
- When your relative comes from Serbia they bring home-made rakia
- When your baba does all the household chores
- When a relative/friend comes from Serbia, they bring chocalate for the kids.
- When your dad buys a car he says it's a great car
- When your baba taught you the serbian language as a kid
- When your mom was the only one to buy you video games and clothes
- When you need something you're dad asks right away, "sta ti treba to?"
- You started smoking when you went to Serbia for the first time.
- When you get back from Srbija, you immediately go on myspace and download all the songs from Serbian singers' pages. Then listen to them for 2 months before getting back to American music.
- Your MySpace page has a hundred photos with you and your friends holding up three fingers
- When your mother or grandmother bathed you in a "korito" with boiling hot water when you were a baby
- When you translate for your father at court but he answers the judge in English
- You know your Serbian when your parents....relatives...... and most of all Grandparents incourage you to drink.... and if you back away they make fun of you.
- You're the only one on your block that has Christmas lights out on your house till well after December 25th
- Your dad is out in the backyard with a large bowl or plastic bag and cutting dandelion leaves with a knife to put in the salata.
- Your parents praise the country they came from but would never move back.
- You rip the hleb and eat it dry.
- You eat bread that's ripped up in a bowl of hot milk and love it.
- When you really have not done anything for the Serb community in your town
- You must wear papucas (slippers) at all times so you don't catch cold
- When meeting other Serbs for the first time you look at them like "I don't know if I can trust them"
- When meeting your Serb friends, you start your sentence with one Serbian word and then complete it in English and the rest of the conversation is in English.
- You learned to swim by one of your parents (most likely tata) throwing you into a river, lake or into the sea. Then everyone later laughs retelling this story which scarred you for life.
- You suddenly and without any previous inclination started to play tennis
- When a lot of things "nije fer"